Defusing Anger in Dementia Care

4 fast tips to creating better relationships with care staff

Anger that surfaces in an aged care facility or hospital setting can bring out the worst in family members and often cause them to say things they wouldn’t normally.

Dementia is unique in that each person displays their own individual symptoms and behaviours. Carers, nurses and medical practitioners often don’t know enough about the ‘everyday reality’ of the condition, which can make frustrated families blood boil. If the family (or caregiver)has a sound knowledge of dementia they are normally in the best position to truly understand the impact on the person with dementia.

Add on family stresses such as looking out for danger 24/7, being potentially humiliated in public, tiredness and being overwhelmed often makes dementia care for families unbearable. So when ‘anger’ is thrown in to the mix, we can react in a way that can be rude, aggressive, childish or downright nasty. If we are resorting to name calling and using social media to discredit people, we simply need to look in the mirror and take stock of what we are hoping to achieve.

Whilst we are getting angry with the world, the person with dementia has lost their care.

If the anger is playing out in front of a person with dementia (eg telling off someone caring for them) you may be indirectly distressing them, or making them feel scared. This is not a good outcome.We need to protect our loved ones and advocate for them at every opportunity, but we also have to reach positive solutions.

Well written letters, and having calm and measured meetings with an emphasis on factual information can be better ways to achieve an improved outcome. This can also limit the emotional impact on everyone concerned.

I thought about how anger makes me personally feel when I have ‘unloaded’ on a person. I usually feel an instant relief followed by guilt, embarrassment, and remorse. Anger can permanently damage relationships, so is that verbal tirade really worth it?

4 Fast Tips for Reducing Anger in Care Environments

1. Breathe
When you are worked up take some big deep breaths and try and slow your breathing down. This will give you time to think and allow you to make calmer and more rational decisions.Maybe count to 10?

2. Write Your Thoughts Down
Be as angry as you like and write all your emotions down on paper. This is the time to rant, rave and express those emotions. But don’t send it!

Vent your anger onto the paper. When you have calmed down you can always review what you have written and look at the problem with ‘fresh eyes’.

Never send your initial thoughts out onto social media and remember you are potentially talking to thousands of people. They may be doing things tough, have their own issues, or may see things differently to you. Try and suggest a potential solution or positive idea when discussing difficult subjects.

3. Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes

When angry always try and see the same situation from the other person’s perspective. Look at the incident from many different angles and be wary that other people may just be following rules or regulations as part of their job. This will give you balance and empathy during discussions.

4. Walk Away

If things are becoming heated politely excuse yourself and walk away. Give yourself time to calm down and think rationally. It is best to re-schedule a meeting than have a public ‘arguing match’ in the middle of a nursing home or hospital. It could be negatively impacting on patients, residents, family members and others.

Brett Partington is a passionate dementia advocate from Adelaide, South Australia. He is the founder of the Dementia Downunder community for families and caregivers of people with dementia. This group has over 4700 members and a ‘people helping people’ ethos.

Brett’s efforts in the dementia care field have been recognized with several awards including a ‘Pride of Australia’ medal in 2017. His greatest achievement is his ability to connect with people with dementia and help their families by ‘cutting them to the chase’ with simple and easy to understand information.

Brett also enjoys being an authentic storyteller and writer who captures ‘magical moments’ and shares them with authenticity to the dementia community and beyond.