I Swam a ‘PB’…But Won’t be Going to Tokyo
Amateur swimmer spills the beans
I have taken up swimming at a city based indoor pool and soon realized I am no Ian Thorpe or Grant Hackett.
Quite frankly I have dreams of becoming the next ‘dad bod’ swimming champion. The effort I produced on my debut swim was nothing short of comical.
My attire was a knee-length pair of teal board shorts and a pair of Speedo goggles. (No bathing cap required)
It didn’t take me long to realize that the quality & speed of the male swimmers in this pool are in direct proportion to the ‘skimpiness’ of their swimming trunks. I now know that I won’t be receiving my Australian Olympic tracksuit anytime soon.
I also appear to be the annoying ‘thrashing arms’ old guy with a huge wingspan that reaches into the surrounding lanes.The same guy that you would normally find floating about in a public pool on a 40 degree day.
All the swimmers around me were serious competitors and do not exchange pleasantries. Swimming is a lonely and intimidating pursuit for the over 50’s.
As I waddled up to the only free lane (which was lane 6) I noticed it had the word ‘FAST’ painted on the wall in huge letters. I thought to myself “I am a big unit and would consider myself fast, almost Thorpe-like without the black bodysuit… I am in the right lane!”
I jumped into the pool without feeling the temperature first (cos I am a professional) and I nearly jumped straight out again when I discovered the term ‘heated pool’ is a term used very loosely in swimming circles.
The swimmers around me were clearly intimidated and were turning on the ‘after-burners’ in their respective lanes. My nostrils flared with the exhilarating stench of chlorine in the air.
Then ‘bang!’ I was away on lap one. I became foolishly caught up in the adrenaline of being surrounded by pro swimmers and attempted to take them on. Half way down the 25 metre pool I was given the shock of my life when I jammed my fingers into the circular hard plastic lane ropes . I can vouch that this pain is in the top 2 most painful things I have done to myself. More importantly, Why are the lane ropes not made of foam?
After stopping 12 metres into my first lap I battled on to keep swimming and touch the end wall. I can’t do a flip turn and if I did it would resemble a walrus rolling around at Sea World. I was simply exhausted so ‘adjusted my goggles’ to deflect from the fact I was absolutely stuffed. The pool was deeper than me and it was here that I realized you can’t adjust your goggles in the deep end of a pool, because you sink!
My debut swim was turning into a debacle and my 40 minute session felt like a marathon. I tried to motivate myself to keep going by pretending I was in the last lap of the 1500 metre Olympic freestyle final and hearing the commentator bellowing in my ears “THORPE , HACKETT, THORPE” but unfortunately there was no room for Partington on the medal podium today.
Brett Partington -writes authentic stories that resonate. A relatable storyteller who makes you feel like you are right there on the journey with him. A born ‘trouble magnet’ with a unique & positive view on the world.
Never boring as he is a public speaker, carer, tour guide, drummer, ex fashion retailer, b&b host, father & avid people watcher.